What to expect in a divorce mediation

In  my office if you chose to use divorce mediation you will find my approach to mediation is in the mainstream of divorce mediation. I accept that divorce is going to occur and that the husband and the wife are responsible for deciding how. I work almost exclusively in joint, open sessions -- that is, with the husband, the wife, and the  mediator all in the same room.

Couples can still decide whether to hire attorneys to advise them  during mediation. They are welcome to bring their attorneys to mediation sessions with them. I look to the husband and the wife, not their attorneys, to articulate what they need and want to get on with  their lives.

 I allow a minimal amount of "digging" about interpersonal issues from the past before I step in and insist that mediation is about the  present and the future. Interpersonal relationship issues are relevant only insofar as they affect the present and the future. I am  task-focused, meaning I concentrate on the finite number of issues  that must be resolved for the divorce to be completed. If a discussion  doesn't relate to one of those issues, I point that out and encourage  the couple to move on.

 I encourage my clients to view everything as "written in sand" until  they reach full agreement -- that nothing_ is agreed until _everything_ is agreed. I view mediation as strictly voluntary. Mediation continues only for so long as all three of us want it to. As  the mediator, I have to have a good reason to withdraw, although I don't have to share it with my clients. Either of my clients is free to withdraw at any time for a good reason, a bad reason, or no reason at all.

 I am working to make sure both spouses have full access to the  information they need and that they are communicating clearly with  each other. If they choose to reach agreement, that is their decision.