Divorce Lawyer Blog

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Everyone knows that holidays can be stressful. There are huge expectations that we have that we try to fulfill for our children and our family. In those expectations we don’t usually see our families going separate ways or being divorced. Then we have things that we have to and try to do, we cook, we drive, we shop. We put a lot of energy into the holidays. Every year I get calls from clients about how the other parent didn’t abide by the shared time-custody agreement during the holiday season. Because of the stress of the season these calls can really become serious and escalate quickly. I want to encourage those parents that are going through divorce and the stress of the holiday to keep in mind just as important as the food is that you remain flexible. This is your children time to remember and what they will remember is you.

So in the sprit of the holidays, let it go – mostly, the issues you deal with can keep till the holidays are over.

Not everyone who calls me has to have a lawyer assisting in their
divorce. In San Diego we have a lot of young military men and women
who haven’t been married very long and don’t have too much in the way
of debt or property. They don't have children, so don’t always need a
lawyer.

But ,it always surprises me those with property in San Diego and children that think they can do without a lawyer in their divorce or paternity case. People in the most difficult and painful situations think they can do it on their own.I do this all the time and it's not that easy .

Consider the dilemma of a man who got divorced a couple of years ago.
During that time the father said he would pay for college. Sounds
reasonable,you say. What he didn’t see or expect was, "what type of
college?" ( Lawyers ask these type questions) Things had not gone
well in the ensuing years between the "exes" and wife heard that the
dad would send their child to Harvard and the Dad heard that he would
pay for San Diego State. So to make a long story short they were each
at the lawyers office, each preparing to spend thousand of dollars to
argue about tens of thousands of dollars in college costs. They could have mediated the divorce ,but they did need advice.

If you're dealing with any of these type things you need a lawyer. Do
yourself a favor in the long term and figure out a way to retain one:
* criminal record
domestic violence, including child abuse
* sexual abuse
* verbal abuse
* a partner suffers from inadequately treated mental illness
* either partner is not mentally competent (example, Alzheimer's
disease)
* alcohol or any other substance abuse
* either partner is accused of poor parenting skills or judgment
* a partner is overextended financially and on the verge of bankruptcy
* owns a privately held business
* history of defaulting in financial obligations such as
court-ordered support of other children or previous spouse
* you know the other partner is hiding assets
* either partner is believed to work for cash payments
* refusal to work for a living
* has recently moved to another state, particularly if a child
was taken
* recently moved to another county, particularly if a child of the
relationship was taken

Divorce is stressful.  It is not something that  anyone plans for but a lot of us will go through. People always ask me, "How can I make it easier?"  My  
 thoughts are that before you even speak to a divorce  lawyer take some time to write down what you  expect. You don’t need to  share with anyone but  yourself, but you need to be as honest as you can  with yourself .You also need to keep in mind that in divorce, like other experiences in your life, nothing will go 100    
 percent your way .You will need to compromise,   What do you think you can compromise on?   What is a no-go- never-compromise issue? 

Then when you   speak to a lawyer keep these things in mind. Because you wrote it down, you will be clearer in a very stressful emotional time . Make  sure he or she sees what you want and your lawyer is clear on what is important to you.  I   understand this is your life and I want to get you through this in the way that best meets your needs.

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